@kaiiak @N33R she didn't hurt me and that's the problem. She was a qt arab tomboy arthoe bpdemon who spent like 3 years with me and I was too autistic to notice ("she spends a lot of time with me, she must be a really good friend" instead of "she wants my autistic dick").
When she moved away to study art at university people told me "you do know she wanted you to be her bf right??" and it completely broke me how I could easily have lost my virginity before 18 but I was too lacking in social awareness to do so.
She always had looser bfs who she could easily manipulate and I found her on Duolicious many years later but she ghosted me (probably blocked me before contact even).
I could have had 2 months of getting sucked dry by the alt tomboy arthoe succubus before killing myself after the inevitable bpd split but I fumbled it big time