god damn i love women who have like any amount of assertiveness and confidence and dare i say even enjoy being that and not just do it out of some sort of obligation to the social meta, not even judging anyone who doesn't ik what it's like but i don't think i can do the shy type anymore for dating, it way more stressful and infinitely less fun

likes confident women
only hits up ppl who are deeply online
it was over before it even began

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love this post was neither sexual, nor was memeing abt the top/bottom stuff again but go off sis

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love dating isnt just abt being horny and having sex

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love wait is it for you or what wtf

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love i mean no judgement if it is but

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love ???? did you actually see any of my dog whistling posts or joking about the topic or desperation posting??? i will come off way stronger if im doing that bit, this literally actually is me just going "it sucks that in the places where i usually hang out in everyone is always pretty timid and neurotic, id like to date a person who isnt"

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love like geez did you not actually read the original post or do you not think i am like a person besides of what i usually post on here?

@eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love ok nvm you either have a reading disability or youre too dug in at this point but

@arcana@fedi.layer02.net @eemmaa@girlboss.gaslight.love i would but ppl from here are off limits for me as you know ​​

once again i wonder if being into men is better. most of them r more assertive but does it really hit the same?

@Merc@lab.nyanide.com @amalthea@pl.noob.quest nah i cant do femboys ive tried

@Merc@lab.nyanide.com @amalthea@pl.noob.quest arent u two dating anyway i dont want 2 b a homewrecker

@vivi 100% they exist, i believe in u

@pry@raru.re thank u ​​

@pry@raru.re happy xmas how have u been what have u been up to i think u wrote u r pursuing a post grad degree but i forgor 2 respond

@vivi hiii merry xmas!! yea I've been looking for phd positions... I'm actually so excited but also nervous bc I feel like I've found a few people with worst l almost perfect fit but it's still a crapshot

@vivi how have you been?

like whenever i see her animations or some art or read some writing that was done by a gay woman i wonder “could the average man have done this?”

this sounds like im ragging on men but i’m not, i am saying this without any value judgment. but with how different media about sex/romance targeted towards men vs women can be, i genuinely wonder if the average man would have the amount of womenunderstanding to create fan service thats this effective

@amalthea@pl.noob.quest no i feel like this is the coldest take, tje most standard question any fagette has "would there be a net improvement to my dating life if i liked men"

@vivi in my opinion dating men and women have a massive difference and also women are so much better

@shibao im actually so curious what r some of the main differences and which ones make u like women so much more

@vivi starting to think lesbian brains are just built different tbh, way beyond just sexual/romantic attraction

because there’s a reason the gaydar is so accurate. for example i’ve always found it so much easier to have a conversation with other women who are into women than with heterosexual women, and i’m not sure what it is that makes us think and feel so alike, but i’d say that difference is actually bigger than between cis and trans women if you ignore the shared trauma

which would make the question sound more like “would my dating experience be better if i were a completely different person?” imo

@salt@social.xenofem.me are you single though

@salt@social.xenofem.me yea but i am ​​

@salt@social.xenofem.me damn it looks like youre pretty cute too this is some bullshit

@salt@social.xenofem.me its not my fault my mental cant handle that shit ​​

@salt@social.xenofem.me ig if we're friends w/ benefits or smth not that serious idc if she's seeing another person but like idk flying out to meet girls is so much time and money it feels bad doing that for only fwb

@azureazure@social.xenofem.me @salt@social.xenofem.me i can be saved ez literally just get me a gf and we can all go home

@salt@social.xenofem.me yea prolly

@salt@social.xenofem.me maybe not if the relationship wasnt open and i liked everyone in it but its hard enough for me to fall in love with one person already there is no shot itll happen twice ez pz and the second person just happens to be the gf of the first person

@salt@social.xenofem.me @azureazure@social.xenofem.me stfu its not like i chose this

@salt@social.xenofem.me @azureazure@social.xenofem.me literally you would kill yourself after a day on the front lines

@salt@social.xenofem.me i never said i have to? the reason why i brought it up is because it would fix the jealousy issue id feel otherwise

@vivi @salt losing that jealousy and realizing that there are nonmonogamous constellations that i like or am comfortable with was actually a step on the ladder of confidence/self-esteem for me

like, i know how much i mean to my partner(s) and i can trust that my feelings towards them are reciprocated, and they’re not going to dump/neglect me

i think it’s also a reaction to being subjected to extremely controlling and clingy behavior. some people with extremely weak self-esteem don’t have partners—they take prisoners. and i don’t want to be like that. it’s become clear to me that love also means giving as much space and freedom as needed. it means not suffocating someone you love because you want everything for yourself and can’t bear the thought of letting go. that them having other close relationships doesn’t devalue what they have with you, and doesn’t make you worth any less.

there are also times when it makes me feel very happy and relieved to know that a partner has other people besides me, especially when i can’t be there for them due to unfortunate circumstances. i can be happy because i know i’m not going to lose them. that’s what trust means to me. not needing silly no-one-else-besides-me promises.

@scathach@stereophonic.space @arcana@fedi.layer02.net @mia@movsw.0x0.st @salt@social.xenofem.me i will just repost my reply that i replied to a follower scope branch of the thread and solve the monogamy discourse:


at the end of the day the big yawning void of the universe doesn't rly care if we sleep with only one person, or multiple, non of this stuff has any objective claim to being right or wrong so it's all abt how the individual ppl involved feel and what they agree upon together. from a moral pov i could be the most modest, puritan monogamous relationship in the world. or i could date someone and we could go out seperately and have our guts smashed in by different strangers every night and one wouldnt be more right or wrong than the other in itself. the only thing that would matter is that me and the other person are both informed, mentally fully capable adults, who have met an agreement on how our relationship should be structured itr, with which we both are ok and that we have done so free from gross coercion. as long as that box is checked you can have any relationship you can dream up of

most people, at least in the society i was raised in, will feel deeply jealous at the thought of their partner doing stuff like kissing or sleeping with another person, so much so that they can only form monogamous relationships. we can argue whether it’s 100% socially constructed or 100% inbuilt, but it does not change the fact of how things are rn for most people, the current state of things.

if you are one of the people whom this isnt the case for, i am happy 4 u, god bless, but i am not, i am “most people"

this means i can proceed in one of two ways:
1. find someone who feels similarly like i do to date and then mutually agree upon being monogamous with each other
2. figure out if the jealousy i feel is something i could change and then go through a significant mental effort to attempt to change it

currently, i am just not interested in 2.. i have enough problems in my life as is and dating is kind of the only joy i still have left, i do not want to go through what seems to be a pretty difficult cognitive process to try change a pretty huge chunk of me in that area, while not even being certain of if i’ll be successful doing so, just for a pretty small bump up in my dating pool and some other benefits that being poly does have but i dont currently seek either. maybe if some future 1. relationship catastrophically fails because the lack of said 2. benefits. or maybe because a poly girl rizzles me and i feel like that would make 2. worth it although that reason seems like the beginning of a train wreck so idk if that would move me personally