@methyltheobromine it's just weird for me, she dropped off the face of the earth. i do that to people too i guess, and she's busier than me, but the last thing that happened was i gave her my address and she said she'd write. i was really sad she didn't and just assumed she thought her life was simpler without me. i dunno, even now, i'm processing it, i realize it hurt more than i knew then, now that i'm off emotional lobotomy pills. it just sucks i guess, i'm going to probably wait and see, process how i'm feeling, she if she contacts me again despite slight frustration.