@georgia I think you can take some comfort in the lives of the saints, like Saint Moses the Black
"Moses was zealous in all he did, but became discouraged when he concluded he was not perfect enough. Feeling overcome by despair and once again tempted by his former passions, early one morning, Isidore, abbot of the monastery, took Moses to the roof. Together they watched the first rays of dawn come over the horizon, and Isidore said to Moses, "Only slowly do the rays of the sun drive away the night and usher in a new day, and thus, only slowly does one become a perfect contemplative."
God loves you always