@druid im glad it worked out for you 2.
im not talking about being in a bad spot or not having your shit together im talking about people with next to no social life, no interests/severe depression, who start obsessing over the idea of anyone giving them attention.
@yew @druid the real proof is in whether that person you’re helping will actually use that opportunity to turn their life around (growing and striving for life goals together is wonderful), or stays a helpless, ambitionless parasite
and true love also means being able to let go because you’d rather see them happily living the life they want than shackled to you.
a breakup does not hurt nearly as much when you can believe in a happy future for both of you. and finding love is much easier when you don’t need the love of others as a substitute for your own sense of self-worth (in other words, you have confidence)
@yew @druid speaking from experience it’s also really easy to fall in love and think you found your soulmate when in reality you’re both just masking and desperately clinging to each other for affection because you never experienced it before and feel alienated and fundamentally different from everyone else in your life
@dagda @druid @yew chad is a spook is what he is
“confidence” here means having a sense of self-worth that doesn’t depend on constantly getting showered with affection (that does not mean arrogance and overcofidence, it means believing in yourself), it means having some ambition in your life instead of pissing it away while you’re rotting in a cave (you know what you want and you are doing what you can to get it), it means having some agency and the drive to get your shit together and grow as a person (you acknowledge your flaws as something you can influence and work to improve). it means not constantly whining and belittling yourself for how worthless and undesirable you are, but doing something about it and not being afraid of seeking help from others.
you don’t even have to be particularly successful at any of this. just having some fucking zest already makes someone more attractive than 90% of internet losers
@dagda @druid @yew the entire concept of chad is nothing but a manifestation of your inferiority complex that justifies continuing to act helpless. it doesn’t have to be this way. if i weren’t trans i’d still be a 5’1” manlet with no savings, no car and little success in life. but i guarantee you i would not still be single and whining about foids online because none of that shit matters nearly as much as you think it does.