@apollo in the beginning I was the altruist and she was needy, then we were both needy but I was needier, then we were briefly happy and both genuinely selflessly loved eachother, then she was the altruist and I was the parasite but still loved her, but for the past two years its been a transactional loveless relationship with me largely giving and her largely taking, me expressing periodic bitterness at this arrangement, and her getting mad at me for confiding my bitterness in others, even accidentally.